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It seems parents are no longer allowed to discipline their children. An Ottawa man has been charged for spanking his young son. Okay, so maybe he first grabbed the little guy by the throat. But still, cut the guy some slack. In the course of a day I see at least a dozen children deserving of a merciless beating. From the screeching tykes in the local mall to those annoying brats in the restaurant who keep peeking over their booths to stare at us while we eat, there are many times when stern, firm, and painful physical discipline could be a useful tool in correcting this misbehavior.

My brother and I were beaten all the time as kids. I remember being held down and burned with cigarettes, thrashed with belts and wooden spoons, and being confined to a 3×3 foot cage until I “learned my lesson”. Did I learn it? Of course! To this day I sit quietly with my hands folded, and always say “Yes, sir” and “No, sir” when I am spoken to (and ONLY when spoken to). My parents loved us. I mean, how many other parents would take the time to teach the lesson of the hot stove by actually placing your hand on the scorching hot burner? Ours did.

And how many parents these days help keep their kids fit by chaining them to a trailer hitch and driving so fast that you either keep up or end up being dragged along the road? Ours certainly did. My brother and I excelled at track in high school, and though our parents never attended our events or awards ceremonies (they didn’t have to—they knew they had trained us well), we knew they were proud. And when we forgot to go out into the yard and clean up the dog poop one day, our father simply took the dog away. We don’t know where ol’ Sam went, but we had learned our lesson. Thanks Dad!

So I say go easy on this guy. He’s only trying to do what’s right. Now excuse me, I have fires to set and small animals to torture.