Death by hamburger
In what must be the most blatant display of irresponsibility I’ve ever seen by a corporate entity (well, this week anyway), Hardees has released the all-new Monster Thickburger ™ .
Weighing in at 2/3 lbs of pure Angus beef, this heart-attack inducing “monument to decadence” (as described by their own press release) contains no less than 1,400 calories and 107 grams of fat. Layered with four strips of bacon, three slices of processed cheese and slathered in creamy mayonnaise, this artery-choker requires ” two hands, a firm grip and a serious appetite”. Not to mention an ambulance and a paramedic team standing by.
At a time when North Americans are facing an obesity epidemic and most fast-food restaurants are trying to distance themselves from their well-deserved unhealthy images by offering low-cal and lower fat menu options, Hardees is taking one giant step backwards. They are even running a promotion where “monstrous” NFL players will work the drive-thru windows at selected restaurants and donate the proceeds from every Thickburger ™ sold to charity. I hope they plan on giving a huge chunk to the American Heart Association.
I was hoping that the current backlash against fast-food places would snap some sense into fast-food executives, maybe start a trend towards developing healthier, less harmful products. The documentary Super-Size Me illustrated the obvious harmful effects of eating these fatty and chemical-laden “foods”, as did Eric Schlosser’s excellent book Fast Food Nation. Thankfully, only Hardees has thus far bucked the trend by developing a burger that not only contains twice the daily recommended amount of saturated fat, but also nearly a full day’s worth of sodium. It is the biggest, baddest beef burger on the block.
I’m starting to think that the entire fast-food industry is out to get us. Why else would they insist on dumping a ton of salt on my fries before even serving them to me, when all the salt I could possibly want is available in those little tiny packets on the condiment counter? And before some of them ended the practice due to public pressure from health advocacy groups, why were they always trying to upsell the “super” or “biggie” sizes? Sounds to me like they were trying everything possible to ensure maximum damage to your health and body, short of just giving you a gun and a bullet to get it over with.
Someday, after the masses finally catch on or the health care system finally exhausts itself from treating a pandemic of self-induced and entirely preventable diseases, the people who repeatedly stuff their faces with fast food will likely be regarded much like smokers are today. They will be ostracized to dark and dank corners, subjected to the snotty “ummmphh” of passersby as they turn up their noses and chomp their celery sticks.
If they live long enough, that is.
And hey, I’m guilty of throwing down my share of fast food crap like everyone else. But I would never—ever!—eat a Monster Thickburger™. Probably for the simple reason that Hardees doesn’t operate here in Canada…