Since then I’ve read many of his books and articles and was often entertained (as well as informed) as he made the rounds on The Daily Show, Politically Incorrect, Real Time with Bill Maher, and other talk shows. Hitchens, often swirling a scotch either backstage or right out in the open, was the type of opinionated asshole I love: one who know what he is talking about and who suffers ignorance poorly.

Hitchens is well-known for his atheism and contrarian views. He actually wrote a book called God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, which should be mandatory reading in every high school. But now he has recently been diagnosed with throat cancer, which he has written about here. Needless to say, some of the Christian folk have been wondering aloud, if not stating outright, that his plight might be some sort of punishment for his outspoken criticism of organized religion and the people who adhere to its ancient superstitions.

From biblearchaeology.org:

“It is not our place as Christians to say the specific reasons why Mr. Hitchens has contracted this disease. We only know that God often uses illness as a means to bring people to repentance and faith.”

It might also be the decades of alcoholism and smoking  that led to his cancer (as well as a possible genetic predisposition—Hitchens’ father also died of throat cancer). But hey, I guess no one who led a good decent Christian life ever got a disease or experienced any personal misfortunes. Look out atheists and non-believers (including those who worship the wrong gods). God has a bullet for you, too, if you don’t keep your mouth shut.

This type of thinking is so stupid and crazy it just boggles the mind. If your idea of a “loving” God is a petty, jealous asshole who dispenses horrible suffering on those who merely seek to better understand this world and their place in it—and let’s face it, that’s exactly the type of God you worship—then there is only one thing to say: F–k you and your God. I’d rather be struck dead than suffer the cruel whims of some spoiled brat deity.

I hope Hitchens is able to beat his cancer. If he does, it will be a testament to his personal will and the “miracle” of modern medical treatment, not God doing an “aw shucks, I was just messin’ with ya, man.” Get well soon, Hitch.

Though the Roman Catholic organization attracts many decent and morally-abiding people to its professions, it is also attractive to those who are harboring certain sexual tendencies, such as those with an unhealthy interest in children. It’s not a stretch to wonder if Lahey’s own feelings of guilt and self-loathing might have played a part in reaching the agreement with abuse survivors.

For centuries, the priesthood has been a safe hiding place for men confused or disturbed by their developing sexuality. Perhaps they feel that by burying themselves in celibacy and “service to God” that they will overcome what, to them, are highly disturbing thoughts and desires. After all, no one will question a priest as to why he is not married or without a girlfriend. Yet the desires never completely go away and combined with easy access and the ability to psychologically manipulate and intimidate followers, it’s inevitable that slip-ups will occur.

The Roman Catholic organization has always known this, has always made it easy for offenders to slip in and out of parishes and dioceses, has always left a wake of abused and traumatized children wherever it sets its claws. So why the surprise that yet another of its ranks has fallen to these kinds of accusations?

Letting priests marry will solve nothing. A pedophile is a pedophile; gay or straight, married or single, it makes no difference. Pedophiles are attracted to the Roman Catholic Church because it provides them a safe haven to prey on victims. When they get caught they are simply moved somewhere else and the files get buried or vanish entirely. Or, if there is publicity, victims are paid off.

Either way, the practice has been widespread for centuries and the highest-ranking church officials right up to the Pope have always been aware of it. It’s only been in relatively recent times that the Church has been confronted with any type of consequences from the crimes it has perpetrated. Before that, it was open season on children (and anyone else) with complete impunity.

So no, I’m not shocked that ex-Bishop Lahey was allegedly found with a laptop full of child porn. What shocks me is that people still willingly support and endorse this long obsolete and abhorrent institution, this organization that feeds on guilt, ignorance, and fear, this unrepentant and remorseless destroyer of children. That’s what really shocks and surprises me. Who can take this organization seriously anymore? Who really thinks that they have any interest in anything other than the pursuit and protection of their own wealth and power?

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The crowd was mostly made up of children and young teens and they were listening  to a clean-cut young fellow who looked to be in his early twenties. As soon as we were within earshot I heard him say “Jesus” and I knew this was some sort of religious service or something.

We didn’t stay long, just long enough to slowly walk by and hear a little bit of what he was saying. He told them there are two places they can go when they die: Heaven or Hell. Those who accept Jesus Christ will go to Heaven and those who don’t will roast in the fires of Hell. The expressions on their faces said it all: wide-eyed, fearful, completely enthralled by what he was saying.

It always disappoints me to see this sort of thing. We live in a society where access to scientific and historical knowledge is the best it’s ever been. We have libraries in every town and the internet in almost every home. And yet, in this so-called advanced day and age, children are still being sat down on lawns and given these ancient fables as “truth”. Why?

Children are easy to recruit into superstitious belief systems. They arrive with a clean slate and rely on adults to teach them about the world. That’s why religious groups start the indoctrination process early on, beginning with baptism and Sunday school. The earlier the seeds are planted, the deeper the roots become. And as the years go by, they are often more and more difficult to pull out.

Fear has always been used as a tool to control people. Sometimes fears are legitimate, like the fear of getting shot in a war zone or that Wham! will reunite and put out a new album. But when the fears being propagated are nothing more than nightmarish illusions dreamed up to frighten young children into mental slavery, it makes it even sadder to see young minds being abused by adults who should know better.

I haven’t read these books, but if Pullman is an atheist and uses his stories to warn against religious tyranny, they can’t be all bad. The buzz on the movie isn’t very good, but I’ll probably end up checking it out, along with all the others who will be buying books and tickets to see what all the fuss is about. I’m sure Pullman is writing a “thank you” note to these groups for providing him with so much free publicity.

Apparently, the Church is not satisfied with ruining its own image with rampant corruption, deception, and centuries of sanctioned pedophilia. Now it seeks to further denigrate its integrity with bullshit protests against childrens fantasy books. Well, if the Catholic groups know about anything, they certainly know about books of fantasy. And children. Especially soft and supple doe-eyed children who know how to keep secrets…

This sad attempt to “protect” children is laughable given the history of predatory priests being shuffled around from church to church. But then again, those priests weren’t writing fables that posit the idea God doesn’t exist; they were only confirming it each time they reached into a child’s pants. Looking to the Catholic Church to protect children is like asking a dog to guard a steak.

In a properly advanced society, no school board would be subject to the whims of organized religion. But Catholic School Boards will continue to try and hide the truth about this world from their students, and thousands of parents will willingly send their kids to be molded by these institutions into good, God-fearing, guilt-stricken, anxiety-ridden, intellectually-impaired adults — something the public school system already does well enough.

When the Church is able to clean it’s own yard, maybe then people will take their criticisms seriously. That is, if we can get past the funny hats. But for now they will continue to grapple with their weakening grip on the minds of those they seek to control and watch helplessly as their credibility and relevance continue to decline.

No word on a Muslim “Ken” doll, but they are planning to release a “protective brother” some time next year. He would, of course, come complete with his own pair of clitoral clippers and a small can of gasoline for dousing Fulla should she ever disgrace him by showing her face in public, speaking before being spoken to, or having the audacity to be raped.

Pet store owner: Satan’s image on turtle’s shell (CNN)

The owner of the pet store, who I assume to be a decent fellow with at least half of a functioning brain, gives us this explanation:

“The marking on the shell was like the devil wanted us to know he was down there,” Bryan Dora said. “To me, it’s too coincidental that the only thing to come out unscathed would have this image on it.’”

Ah, of course. Satan was just down there pacing in hell, wringing his hands in frustration, wondering how he could best let us know he was still a threat capable of wreaking evil havoc in the world. What better way to remind us of what a badass he is than by emblazoning his blurry likeness onto the back of a pet-store turtle?

I might have thought that the recent school shootings in Minnesota would be a better example. Or maybe the corpse lined streets of Baghdad. Or maybe the abduction, rape and brutal murder of an innocent 9 year old girl in Florida. But nah, that’s childplay compared to this. It’s a friggin’ turtle, man! (shudder)

Someone should tell Mr. Dora there is also a boogieman under his bed who might grab his feet if they slip outside the covers.

Bullshit.

Human beings have been overcoming adversity for as long as we’ve been on this planet. We’ve done it through intelligence, hard work, and the sheer instinctual will to survive and improve the conditions of our lives. Prayer, by itself, has never helped anyone.

But a community of humans, bonded by compassion and love for their fellow human beings, can feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, and work together to build a better world. A human being in tune with their gifts can paint a masterpiece, compose the most beautiful music, or throw the winning pass for a touchdown. A single human being can change the entire world.

As nice as it might sound to true believers, God isn’t helping anyone to win Grammy awards or football games. Nor is he on the beaches of Thailand, India, Sri Lanka or Indonesia, rushing food and medical aid to the multitudes of tsunami victims.

People need to give credit to their own strength and resolve. YOU pulled yourself through. YOU found the will to continue. YOU did all the work and made it happen. All the prayer in the world will not rebuild shattered homes, restore ruined roads, or lift the hopes of a despondent and weary people.

Those of us in the humanist community know it is up to us, as commonly united citizens of the planet, to make things happen. We have to cure our sicknesss and disease; we have to put an end to wars and famine; we have to make this earthly home safe and prosperous for future generations.

Because let’s face it—God has never been interested in the job.

The casino that purchased the miracle bread plans to tour the sandwich around the world and donate the proceeds to charity. Can’t imagine anywhere that a holy icon like Mary, Mother of God, would rather be than in the hands of a casino. She’s a Catholic mascot so maybe a bingo hall would be more appropriate?

Now others are jumping on board with their own miracle sandwiches for sale, like one eBayer who is selling one that features an image of Christ that you “don’t have to pay tens of thousands of dollars” for. No, he’ll only charge you a grand for it. And he’s double-bagged it to make sure it doesn’t get moldy so your purchase is well protected if you decide to literally “eat of the body”.

My favorite is this one, which pretty much sums up this entire holy sandwich farce:

People are always seeing Jesus or Mary in burnt toast, the sides of buildings, or on trees, never stopping to ask themselves why such powerful deities would choose to appear in such ridiculous places, not to mention the fact that—at least to my knowledge—no known photographs of either Jesus or Mary exist. So how do they even know what they look like? “Lookie here, a face with a beard on my fish stick. Must be Jesus tryin’ ta tell me sumtin’!”

Instead of Jesus demonstrating his love and power by ending war, famine, and all the other bad stuff, he just wants to peek out at us from a burnt cinnamon bun? What the hell is that supposed to prove? I’m sure Satan is on the run now!

The fact is people can look at anything and see what they want to see. Religious fervents are always desperate for some physical validation of their faith. This is just the old “man in the moon” illusion, the mind searching for patterns, filling in the gaps to make sense of things that aren’t really there. Kind of like the face on Mars that had everyone freaked out a few years ago and the so-called devil’s face in the smoke of the crumbling WTC.

I’m sure if I stared at my bowel movement long enough I could see the face of Paris Hilton staring back…or is it Ashlee Simpson?

Hmmm. Hard to tell.

I know that this season is supposedly based on the birth of Jesus and that years ago, in an age long-forgotten and caked with dust, the majority of people actually took the religious component of Christmas seriously. But who takes it seriously these days? You get your ‘Christmas Christians’, who haul their suits out of the plastic wrappers once a year to go sit in the back of the Church and pretend they give a damn, as well as the folks who talk about how much they’re into the goodwill of the season while sidestepping the Salvation Army bucket on their way to the checkout, a few hundred dollars worth of goods tucked under their arms to give to their spoiled, ungrateful brats.

(And the trees! My god, every year they go out and massacre hundreds of thousands of innocent trees and charge $40 a piece for ‘em, so we can dress them up like cheap, painted whores, and then, after the holiday has passed and our loot has been assimilated into our bulging coffers, we chuck ‘em out with the trash. Buy an artificial one and you can keep it forever. “But it has to be real!” you say. No, you just think it does. Go get a fake and buy some of that tree fragrance they sell at Walmart or something. Or better yet, take a walk in the woods and enjoy the company of hundreds of real, living, oxygen-dispensing trees.)

But now Jesus is that face in the window, peering in at us from out in the cold while we roast chestnuts and drink rum-spiked eggnog (after a few of those you just might see Christ in the window). I think it was jolly St. Nick who pushed Jesus out of the way for Christmas supremacy. After all, it’s Santa we see selling us everything from car batteries to soap dispensers, and according to the folks at Coca Cola, it’s their beverage that the Fat Man likes to suck back. No wonder he is an overweight diabetic. How many little kids go to bed hoping that Jesus shows up the next day? And if he did, he’d damn well better have that Sony Playstation tucked under his robe somewhere.

With the ever-changing face of society we see more religious and cultural practices edging into what used to be primarily Christian territory. We have Ramadan, Hannukah, Kwanzaa all jostling for a bit of the holiday limelight. And some Christians are getting a bit upset, thinking that the December holidays are sacred to them and that all this hullabaloo is diluting the reverence of their celebrations.

But Christmas was around for several hundred years before the birth of Jesus. In fact, they can date similar pagan traditions going back almost 4,000 years before the famous virginal birth (which was itself borrowed from pagan legends—but let’s not go there today). Early Europeans began traditions like the Yule log while celebrating the winter solstice from December 21 through to January, and parades, feasts, and gift giving were common at this time of year in ancient Mesopotamian societies as well.

The Romans celebrated Saturnalia during the solstice period, which in typical Roman fashion was a hedonistic time filled with wine, large feasts and most likely an orgy or two. The birth of Mithra, a Roman god, was celebrated on December 25, which Pope Julius I later declared to be the birthdate of Jesus. However, he didn’t make this declaration until almost 400 years after the crucifixion, and was believed to have chosen that day to coincide with the Saturnalia celebrations (the Bible makes no mention of the year or month Jesus was born). So actually it was the Christians who “borrowed” the December 25 holiday in the first place.

There’s plenty of room for everyone to celebrate in their own way, as we’re all pretty much borrowing from the same ancient and common traditions. There’s no monopoly on Christmas, even if  ‘Christ’ is in the name.  We all want to spend time with family and friends, we all want to get shitfaced and enjoy a break from work, and if only for a week or two we seem to want to make the world a better place by helping with charity work, giving donations, buying gifts for the poor, etc. The name isn’t important.

But the gifts sure as hell are! Load up that cart, baby!

And before I forget, merry ‘Mas everybody!