Posts from — October 2005

The Muslim world now has its own version of “Barbie”. Instead of a blonde bimbo with impossible curves and a penchant for wearing bikinis and shopping, their doll is named “Fulla” and has “black hair, auburn eyes and a wide selection of head scarves.” She also comes complete with her own head-to-toe abaya and a prayer rug .

No word on a Muslim “Ken” doll, but they are planning to release a “protective brother” some time next year. He would, of course, come complete with his own pair of clitoral clippers and a small can of gasoline for dousing Fulla should she ever disgrace him by showing her face in public, speaking before being spoken to, or having the audacity to be raped.

My faith in humanity has been shattered once again. The other day I saw — no, was assaulted by — a preview for a new “reality TV” (TM) show called Ballroom Bootcamp.

Ballroom Bootcamp. The mind boggles. Searches for reason. Finds none. Retreats…

Oh, but of course. There was a show on called Dancing with the Stars and it was a ratings success. So naturally the empty suits in TV Land have to immediately think up a kabillion new shows that will draw from the same idea. Soon every network will have their own version of the original show, but with a unique “twist”. In this case, I guess the contestants are beat down and ridiculed by some fat-assed jerk shouting “Do-si-do, maggot!” Then, with any luck, they will graduate and be sent overseas to clear minefields.

It’s kinda like the networks are all one big hillbilly mountain family sharing the same bathwater, soaking in their communal filth of dead skin and fecal flakes, and offering it up to the public while saying “Here, drink this. It’s fresh and original.”

One whiff tells you otherwise. But if you’re watching this drivel then maybe you’re too stupid to realize that. And maybe it’s time to send the trucks around again, to gather you up and save the rest of us from having the bars of common sense and decency and artistic integrity and creativity lowered even further. If that is even possible.

Gah.