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My wife and I were having dinner at a local 50′s style diner when someone flipped a quarter in the jukebox and cued up this old Elvis standard. So the warden threw a party in the county jail, eh? I’m wondering who would have attended such an event. Most jails are secure facilities and are not co-ed. So where would the assumed females have come from?

Can’t see a group of teen girls being brought into a prison for a “sock-hop”; it’d be like chucking chum to sharks. So the image of prisoners innocently cavorting with a group of local girls doesn’t seem realistic. It’s much more likely that everyone in the jail is a guy, which means the song is obviously a tribute to the oldest and most infamous aspect of prison life: anal rape.

Number 47 said to Number 3
You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see
I sure would be delighted with your company
Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me

It’s obvious that Number 47 is attracted to Number 3 and would like to take him somewhere for some quality time. “Quality time” being a raw rectal rooting of the most sordid and lascivious nature. Taken in this context, the term “jailhouse rock” seems to be slang for the act of homosexual love.

I wonder if Elvis ever thought about this as he sang it? It certainly makes it more amusing when you see the baby boomers jiving to it at weddings.

Elvis assumes the "mounting" position

The first time I saw Christopher Hitchens he was on a talk show discussing his book about Mother Teresa, The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice. He was saying some pretty alarming things, stuff like Teresa was not the saint that everybody believed she was (more about that in a previous post). Of course, never seeing anyone have the balls to say these types of things before, I perked up like a rabbit hearing a twig snap.

Since then I’ve read many of his books and articles and was often entertained (as well as informed) as he made the rounds on The Daily Show, Politically Incorrect, Real Time with Bill Maher, and other talk shows. Hitchens, often swirling a scotch either backstage or right out in the open, was the type of opinionated asshole I love: one who know what he is talking about and who suffers ignorance poorly.

Hitchens is well-known for his atheism and contrarian views. He actually wrote a book called God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, which should be mandatory reading in every high school. But now he has recently been diagnosed with throat cancer, which he has written about here. Needless to say, some of the Christian folk have been wondering aloud, if not stating outright, that his plight might be some sort of punishment for his outspoken criticism of organized religion and the people who adhere to its ancient superstitions.

From biblearchaeology.org:

“It is not our place as Christians to say the specific reasons why Mr. Hitchens has contracted this disease. We only know that God often uses illness as a means to bring people to repentance and faith.”

It might also be the decades of alcoholism and smoking  that led to his cancer (as well as a possible genetic predisposition—Hitchens’ father also died of throat cancer). But hey, I guess no one who led a good decent Christian life ever got a disease or experienced any personal misfortunes. Look out atheists and non-believers (including those who worship the wrong gods). God has a bullet for you, too, if you don’t keep your mouth shut.

This type of thinking is so stupid and crazy it just boggles the mind. If your idea of a “loving” God is a petty, jealous asshole who dispenses horrible suffering on those who merely seek to better understand this world and their place in it—and let’s face it, that’s exactly the type of God you worship—then there is only one thing to say: F–k you and your God. I’d rather be struck dead than suffer the cruel whims of some spoiled brat deity.

I hope Hitchens is able to beat his cancer. If he does, it will be a testament to his personal will and the “miracle” of modern medical treatment, not God doing an “aw shucks, I was just messin’ with ya, man.” Get well soon, Hitch.

I don’t know what it is about clowns. They creep the hell out of me. Maybe it has something to do with being a kid, going to the circus, seeing some clowns, smelling  ether, waking up naked and chained to a pipe in some basement, living in my own filth for several days, screaming myself hoarse. I don’t know. But they creep me out.

Watch this short clip of a dancing clown. This clown is harmless enough and just wants to make us laugh. So why does it make my flesh crawl and my bowels slacken?

Yeesh!

As mentioned here before, I used to suffer from some nasty night-time reflux. Neither of the doctors I saw (my own GP, plus my wife’s) had any questions about lifestyle or dietary habits. No, all they wanted to know was if I had drug coverage, which I assumed was so they could prescribe me expensive brand-name drugs rather than cheaper generics. Seems a lot of doctors these days are nothing more than shills for Big Pharma. As to the whys and hows I was having reflux, they didn’t seem too concerned.

So, apparently the reasoned and compassionate medical solution was  to continue any bad habits and just take the purple pill. Which I did for a while.

But then I decided that curing the reflux was more to my benefit than just masking it with treatment. And certainly better than continuing to donate to Astra Zeneca’s colossal profits each quarter. So after a few months of experimenting with some simple dietary and lifestyle changes, I finally managed to cure my acid reflux.

The solution was simple: All I did was cut back on heavily refined and processed foods. No more potato chips, fast food burgers, and other foods laden with preservatives, additives, and overly processed flours, sugars, and grains. I started eating more whole foods, such as lean meats, vegetables, and healthy fats. I also added a few sessions of moderate exercise each week. This helped my gut to heal from the dietary abuse I had inflicted on it over the years and also had the side kicker of helping me lose a few unwanted pounds, a much better side-effect than those of proton-pump inhibitors.

Will this work for everyone? I don’t know. I’ll still get a bit of recurrence if I eat the wrong thing, but 99% of the time now I am completely reflux free. What I do know is that reflux is a common problem and that a lot of us are eating crap that might be better left on the store shelves or the fast-food heat rack. Maybe our bodies are trying to tell us something about refined and processed foods that manufacturers and retailers would rather we didn’t know. It already seems generally accepted that these foods have contributed to the obesity epidemic. Maybe it’s not a stretch to wonder if they are involved in many other ailments and diseases as well.