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It’s that time of year again! Time to wish my good pal, Yeshua, many happy returns.

I remember when Jesus and I were friends. I would call him up and ask when he was coming back and he would just laugh. “Soon, brah, soon.” But he never did. After a while, I just figured he didn’t wanna hang out anymore. He never takes my calls and no one else has seen hide nor hair of him.

It’s been over 2,000 years since he walked the deserts of the Middle East, no doubt attracting stares due to his pale complexion, flaxen golden hair, and sparkling blue eyes. So typical of Middle Eastern Jews back then.

Seeing the news reports coming out of that region every day, it’s no wonder that he has chosen not to go back. With his long, flowing locks he might be mistaken for a woman and end up beaten by Egyptian police, beheaded for witchcraft, or forced to wear a burqa. No doubt it wouldn’t take long for them to kill him again.

But still, some folks say that Jesus has found them, or that they have found him. But I’m skeptical. After all, I was once a close pal and he hasn’t so much as sent me a text or email. Maybe he was jealous of my friendships with the likes of Dawkins, Russell, Templeton, and, of course, the late great Hitchens. Or maybe, like most children, I just outgrew my imaginary friends.

Seems the only people who “think” Jesus has found them are those who have hit some sort of bottom in their life, such as criminals, recovering addicts, people who have suffered a major traumatic experience, and others who have been damaged emotionally in some way. They attribute the finding of inner strength and determination to an unseen external force rather than the power of their own personal will and persistence.

This is demeaning to the power of their own humanity. I only see people helping people in this world; no magical fairies or pixie dust picking up the pieces of ruined and shattered lives.

Jesus just never seems to tap normal, well-adjusted people on the shoulder (just like non-Catholics never seem to get possessed by demons). Guess we’re all doing ok. Still, if you’re out there Jesus, happy birthday. I will burn a goat in your honor and collect hundreds of severed foreskins.

Oh right, sorry—that was your Pa who was into those things. My bad!

I’m old enough to remember a time when McDonalds had a staff member who walked around ensuring the garbage bins were emptied, the tables were wiped clean, and the floors kept free of debris. Not so anymore. Now it’s common to see trays filled with garbage piled high on top of the receptacles because they are already full and overflowing, garbage, newspapers, and ketchup splotches all over the floors, and it’s getting harder and harder to find a clean table when you want to sit and eat.

Part of the problem is that people are just pigs. But management could also be making more of an effort to keep the places at least half-presentable. Maybe they are trying to save a few bucks on payroll by only staffing the bare minimum, and dammit, someone has to man the fries. I dunno. But it’s obvious someone somewhere is dropping the ball.

For example, here are some pics I took of the 6982 Mumford Road and the Bedford Commons Walmart locations. The only reason I took the pics is because this had happened so many times (in other locations as well – the Spring Garden Road location is another major offender) that it was becoming laughable.

Bedford Commons Walmart

Bedford Commons Walmart

Mumford Road

Why would anyone want to take their families to these dumps? You might as well spread a blanket at a landfill. But to be fair, not all Mickie-D’s are disaster zones. The Sackville Drive and newly-renovated Lacewood locations still seem to value cleanliness and a nice presentation. But when I walk in and see the restaurant as pictured above, I turn around and leave. If the dining area is that filthy and neglected, I can only imagine the state of the bathrooms and kitchen.

And yes, I do go to McDonalds a lot. Their coffee is the bomb, yo.

Glad we listened to all the “paranoid” and “delusional” economists and market watchers who predicted an eventual downturn in housing. Seems the mainstream is finally catching on:

Home prices to fall, TD warns

There was also an article in the Chronicle-Herald this week about the rising demand for multiple-dwelling housing as opposed to single family homes. Seems wages haven’t kept pace with inflation and people are loaded with debt. Not to mention most people aren’t interested nor have the time for home and property maintenance and upkeep anymore.

I’ve been too lazy to post anything. So here’s a quick update:

We sold our home in less than a week, for full asking price. Six couples came through and two offers came in at the same time. Now we are settling into the new apartment and enjoying the new lifestyle change. (Can’t say I’ve missed my lawnmower even once.) But we are still getting used to the biggest drawback to living in a multiple-dwelling building, which is that other people live here, too.

Most of them are decent. But there’s always a few that make you shake your head and weep for the human race. At least we have a good mixture of folks, which helps keep things balanced. We never expected things would be 100% perfect, but for now there are no regrets. We coo’.

Last week, my wife and I listed our home for sale. We bought it in 2003, for almost $100,000 less than what it is currently listed for. We got in just as the housing market was going into overdrive due to easy credit and cheap interest rates and happily rode the appreciation while variable interest rates sank (we had 0.9% below prime, which eventually left us at just over 1% when the Bank of Canada cratered the overnight rates).

So now it’s time to sell, for a number of reasons that might not apply to most other people but seem fitting for our situation:

• most of our current net worth is tied up in real estate, in the form of home equity
• the only way to “tap” home equity is to either sell or borrow against it (not an option for us as we try to avoid debt)
• the market might soon be swamped with listings: baby boomers start turning 65 this year and might have to sell to fund lackluster retirement accounts; some people borrowed heavily against “paper” equity and/or overextended themselves based on cheap borrowing rates, which might cause a few to have to bail on their homes if things turn ugly
• local prices seem to be stalling (or correcting) and who knows how long this will last or how far it will go, something that will only be compounded by the factors above
• everything else is going up: property taxes, energy rates, food costs, interest rates; buyers no longer have access to the same low interest rates and borrowing rules that drove much of the market upswing, so overpriced properties will wait longer for buyers who have pulled back and are waiting for a correction

Of course, there is another option: stay in the house and keep paying it off. Our mortgage is very manageable, but to keep the house we’d also have to continue spending the annual maintenance costs and putting the time and work into keeping it up for both our personal comfort as well as to remain competitive for the resale market. We love our home but lately our lifestyle seems to be resisting activities like yard work, shoveling snow, and DIY appliance repair. We want to travel more. Spend less time cleaning. Be more efficient with our time, space, and belongings. So we feel that now is a good time to unlock the “trapped” equity and convert it to cash for (lagging) retirement accounts and investments.

Thus the decision to sell and try renting a condo-style apartment. Rent is a fixed cost, and someone else pays to upkeep the property. If we want to take a day trip, a spur-of-the-moment overnighter, or fly to New York for a few days, we can just lock the door and leave without worrying too much. There will be a sharp decrease in utility and insurance costs, and we won’t ever have to pay for a new patio, granite counter tops, or new laundry units. No worrying about broken pipes, leaky toilets, or wasp nests in the shed. We only use the space we need as opposed to having “dead” rooms that see little use yet add to our monthly costs.

The money that would have gone to maintenance and upgrades we can now use to fund our savings and vacations. And of course, the equity we haul out will give a nice boost to our savings and investments, which will have a chance to grow in a well-balanced, diversified portfolio if real estate stalls or takes a dive. And it also provides a healthy downpayment should condo living be a rude slap in the face and we decide to buy back into the housing market. Renting also gives us more mobility should the job market, asshole neighbors, or personal whimsy take us elsewhere. Our cash assets will be liquid as opposed to trapped in a home that may or may not provide a decent return versus the time and money invested.

Giving up a home will be a difficult adjustment. We are aware of the emotional aspects of home ownership and that there will be trade-offs to deal with. Some of them pleasant, some of them not so much. We have no illusions that everything will be perfect. However, as to whether or not this is the right decision or a huge mistake only the future can tell. For now we’re looking forward to the change.